SMS Jokes in English are funny, free and short messages

Your own heart stupid!

Tomorrow I am undergoing a brain transplant operation.
I would like to use your brain.
Can you please give it?
Because I always use only unused stuff!

When life is going wrong,
when relations break up,
when sorrow engulfs you,
when tears flow down your eyes,
just give me a call:
because I sell tissue papers!

If eyes speak: Love.
If tears speak: Affection.
If money speaks: Greed.
If everyone speaks: World.
If only you speak: Mental

Four things which brings tears to the eye:
Broken Love.
Separated Friendship.
Death.
Onion!

My Bedtime Prayer to God:
Dear God, please let mosquitoes bite, let there be a power cut, let the devil come in a nightmare for those who go to sleep without sending me a good night message.

At this very moment;
1 billion people are sleeping,
1 million people are eating,
1000 people are drinking,
100 people are playing
and 1 monkey is reading my sms.
A research conducted by a team of scientists in India indicates that people who don't brush their teeth or bath everyday are reading this message at this very moment.

Answer my question either YES or NO:
Do your friends know that you are mad?

Urgent: Chloroform is out of stock in the hospital. Can you please send a pair of your socks?

Today is World Intelligence day. Please forward this message to the most intelligent friend that you know of. And please don't send it to me because I have already received this 500 times since today morning.

Urgent: I forgot where I kept my mobile phone. Please give me a missed call.

Laugh out loud throughout the day.
Dance happily without a care.
Jump and walk happily on the streets.
Only then will people start telling:
Oh what a pity! became mental at such a young age.

Teasing SMS Joke
What's the difference between stupid and idiot?
Stupid will delete this joke.
Idiot will forward this joke.
Ha ha, what will you do now?

When you feel sad and alone,
When everyone seem to be leaving you,
when the world seems to be fading away into the mist,
please let me know: I will take you to the eye specialist for a checkup!

Close your eyes for a minute and think about yourself.
Now open your eyes:
Congratulation! You have wasted a minute of your life thinking about an idiot.

But why didn't you tell me the good news.
I heard it from one of our friends.
Anyways Congratulation!
A TV channel has been named after you.
Animal Planet!

I saw you yesterday on the road.
Such beautiful eyes,
walking gracefully down the road,
and I started to sing;
Who let the dogs out!

Beauty is not based on how you look,
beauty is not based on how you speak,
beauty is not based on your color,
but beauty is based on your inner self.
So please change your inner-wear daily without fail!

Funny SMS

It seems that a new law is coming in 2010:
All beautiful people have to pay beauty taxes.
Thankfully you escaped. But I didn't!
Ok, don't get tensed, forward this message to your friends and have fun.

No calls from you.
No SMS from you.
No emails from you.
I am really afraid whether,
The Dog Catchers found you again!

Hilarious Joke Message SMS
Secrets for a happy and healthy life:
Get a girlfriend who cooks well.
Get a girlfriend who takes care well.
Get a girlfriend who looks well.
And most of all make sure that these three girls don't meet each other!

Insulting SMS Joke
Please select one of the following days:
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday.
And kindly take a bath at least on that one day because I can't tolerate bad smell.

Most Lovable Kiss: Mother's,
Sweetest Kiss: Girlfriend's,
Cute Kiss: Sister's,
Hottest Kiss: keep your lips on the bike silencer!

You are so far away from me,
many hundreds of miles.
Yet, I see you every day in the following TV Channels:
Animal Planet.
National Geographic.
Cartoon Network.

You are so cute my dear friend:
C: Causing.
U: Unnecessary.
T: Trouble.
E: Everywhere.

You are the most SENTIMENTAL friend of mine:
One percent SENTI
Ninety Nine Percent MENTAL!

I want you to be with me on a cheerful night,
in a nice restaurant,
candlelight dinner,
superb menu,
and say the 3 important words to you.
PAY THE BILL!

Hello, this is All India Anti Sleep Association.
Our aim is to call up everybody,
and disturb the sleep of others.
"Thank you and over".
Sometimes small things in life hurt a lot.
If you don't agree with what I say, try sitting on a pin.

A girl called me last Sunday and told
"Nobody is home. Please come".
I went to her house.
What she said was true:
Nobody was there!

I have lots of jokes in my mobile.
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time.
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
"You are so beautiful"

Do you know what the computer thinks when you sit in front of it?
INTEL Inside.
Mental Outside.
Your words are like Crocin,
Your smile is like Colgate,
Your touch is like zandu balm,
Your presence is like Anacin,
Your SMS is like Vicks action 500,
and that's why I never fall ill!

Without ugliness, there is no beauty in the world.
Without stupidity, there is no intelligence in the world.
So don't worry, you are very much required in this world!

Police have put me in jail,
because I was in possession of GOOD LOOKS.
The police needs an ugly donkey,
to take me out on bail.
So I messaged you!

The Earth might stop revolving,
The stars might stop twinkling,
The birds might stop flying,
The sun might stop glowing,
But your brain will never start working!
A baby pig asks his father:
Father why are we so ugly?
The father says to him:
Don't worry my son,
you should see the one who is reading this msg.

A short story, thrilling and full of suspense till the end. Read on.





The End

Today's best quote.


Scroll down.


Life is just like this:
there is nothing at the end.

Hello, this is your cell phone who is speaking.
There is no particular problem.
I just wanted to leave your pocket, the smell is unbearable!

Why did God create "Albert Einstein" before creating me?
Ans: Because he wanted to create a "SAMPLE PIECE" before creating a "MASTER PIECE"!!

Those bright eyes, beautiful smile, milky white teeth and sweet voice.
Enough about me, tell me about you now.

I miss you so much,
where ever I go.
I want to see you,
every day.
I feel like seeing you,
if I am out of town.
Do you know why?
Because I love dogs!

Misleading SMS
One important news: I am getting married this Monday, yes it's true. It's only a small party. Can you also please come? But please don't bring me any gifts; just bring me the girl!
We hope you had lots of fun reading these sms jokes. Sometimes they might irritate you but mostly they are enjoyable and some are so good that you might even find yourself forwarding them to many of your friend groups even though your mobile balance might be very less.